My Practice

The past couple weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind and I have found that I am losing my daily practice. Ever since I completed my 200 hour teacher training I have had a daily ritual of meditating for a few minutes (usually just 5) followed by 5 rounds of Sun Salutations.

Throughout our training our teachers conveyed the importance of a daily, personal practice. It seemed like a good idea in theory but I had a tough time starting out.  Sometimes at the start of a training session (after we did a 30 minute meditation followed by an hour + practice) we would have a “check-in”. These were some of my favorite times. We would be blissed out from our morning practice and one by one around the room we would share what was on our mind- whether it was how we felt in meditation that morning or what we had planned for the summer. During one of these discussions I mentioned that I couldn’t seem to find the time for a home practice. With getting up around 6:30am and finishing my day around 8:30pm there just didn’t seem to be time to fit it in. In my mind the best time to do it was at night before I went to bed so that I would be nice and relaxed. This never worked out as planned. I couldn’t seem to settle down at night to get it done.  My teacher recommended trying it the morning.  The idea of getting up even earlier to practice seemed out of the question but I agreed I would attempt it. I started with getting up just 10 minutes earlier. I mean what’s 10 minutes really?  In 10 minutes I was able to spend 3-5 minutes meditating and then 5 minutes with Sun Salutations. I made myself get up every morning even when 10 more minutes of sleep in my cozy bed seemed like such a better idea.  Eventually it became routine and I actually enjoyed it.  This ritual felt like such a nice way to start my day and I felt “off” on days when I chose to stay in bed instead.  

 image from here

Recently my schedule got thrown off with a flurry of appointments to attend to early in the morning. My daily practice quickly fell by the wayside and now I find myself really missing it. I feel the difference within myself, like I’ve lost my center and need to find my way back. At a time when I probably need it more than ever, I have strayed from spending this vital time with myself.  

This morning my alarm went off at 6:15. I debated with myself for a few minutes and made the first step by getting out of bed and not hitting snooze on my phone. I could see the sun just starting to rise and I felt encouraged.  I made my way downstairs, rolled out that mat and sat for 5 minutes. Then I did 5 Sun Salutations. And just like that I found my way back again. 

My Journey to OM

I’ve been doing yoga for about 9 years or so but have really been practicing consistently during the last 3 years. Last year I started looking into getting certified as an instructor but the timing never really worked out. Earlier this year I finally decided that now was the time to do it. For some reason it felt like a now or never kind of thing even though that really wasn’t true. It turned out to be the perfect time to do it and it was exactly what I needed in my life at that moment. If it were ever true that something was “meant to be” this was one of those times for me. I think after you go through a rough time in life you look for something to help pull you out of it. At least I do. At first I grabbed onto my husband with all I had.  He carried me through the worst of it. But I knew that this was partly a journey I had to take on my own.  I bring this up because for me yoga was one of the ways I began to put the pieces of my life back together.  When a hope, a dream, is taken from you so suddenly you have to find a way to accept it. People talk about this concept of acceptance. We need to accept what life gives us. We need to find acceptance when bad things happen to us. Except that when something awful really does happen to you the last thing you want to do is accept it. If fact you want to deny it and probably spend a lot of time and energy doing just that.
I went into this yoga training hoping it would help me find this “acceptance” or at the very least give me something else to focus on since it would be taking up so much of my free time. Well it did all that and a whole lot more than I ever expected. For 6 weeks I spent my nights and weekends in a small studio on 29^th St in NYC with an amazing group of yogis that were some of the most inspiring, compassionate and loving people I’ve ever met. We were put through grueling practices, long meditations and had thousands of years of yogic history and practice summarized and taught to us by brilliant teachers for 30 hours a week. It was magnificent.  The connection that you make with people when going through an experience like this together is hard to put into words.  You are bonded together in your shared passion and trepidation.  

It is said in The Bhagavad Gita that yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self. This didn’t have much meaning to me until I took this training. In your practice you are forced to get to know yourself. Whether you are running through a few rounds of sun salutations, doing a morning meditation or holding downward dog for 12 minutes (yes, we actually did that), you are forced to come face to face with who you are. It is only you on that mat, alone with yourself.  You take a breath, you are mindful. You quiet the stirring of the mind. You are your true self.

There are moments now where I will catch myself going to a dark place, a place of non-acceptance, without awareness of self. It is so easy to let your mind carry you away to these places. Yoga has taught me how to come back. Breathe. Let it go. I am in the here and now and I am at peace.